The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle.

The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...


An Ode To the O: Remembering The Dirty O Through The Decades

Published in Pittsburgh Current on April 23, 2020

Jaggerbush's Wave Motion Wagon

“Isn’t eleven too old to tug around a little red

wagon?” Fantastic Freddie said with his big, fat mouth.

“Isn’t twelve too old for the Altar Boy King to pull his pants down past his knees just to take...

President Lady MacTrump, A Tragedy

Published in Little Old Lady Comedy on May 5, 2020

An American Misses Bloomsday

I made my first trip from Los Angeles to Dublin four years ago. I’ve returned every June since. Bloomsday is to blame. This spiraling, citywide celebration of James Joyce’s novel Ulysses...



Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. He worked as a mail carrier, busboy, bartender, and laborer while earning a degree in English Literature from the University of Pittsburgh. He taught GED preparation at a juvenile detention facility, elementary school in the Baltimore City public schools, and English to high school seniors in Howard County, MD. He studied writing at Johns Hopkins and UCLA. He now lives in L.A., where he writes fiction and America’s favorite hangman puzzles.



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