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The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author


Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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  • Robert Roman

My Own Private Ulysses: A Gorgonzola Sandwich Sonnet

Ah, I’m hungry.

He entered Davy Byrne’s. Moral pub. He doesn’t chat. Stands a drink now and then. But in leapyear once in four. Cashed a cheque for me once.

– Ulysses, James Joyce

A Gorgonzola Sandwich Sonnet

Go and “Get a light snack in Davy Byrne’s.”

Nice quiet bar. Nicely planed. A moral pub,

An abode of bliss to forget concerns.

So be like Bloom, order his relished grub.

“Cheese sandwich, then. Gorgonzola, have you?”

And Burgundy, a good glass, to lubricate.

Don’t wolf chomp. Linger like Bloom when you chew,

Smooths things out when it’s time to defecate.

“Like a few olives too if they had them.”

But unlike Bloom’s, today’s globes are of the grape.

No oysters, please. Unsightly clots of phlegm.

But feety cheese from this plate you will scrape.

Thank Joyce for the sandwich Gorgonzola!

Bloom could have liked gluten-free granola.

Subscribe and stay tuned for more salivary sonnets.

Same sumptuous time, same scrumptious channel.


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