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The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author


Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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  • Robert Roman

My Own Private Ulysses: A Poetry Triple Feature

“Shapely goddesses…Can see them library museum standing in the round hall, naked goddesses. Aids to digestion…And we stuffing food in one hole and out behind…They have no. Never looked. I’ll look today.” – Leopold Bloom

Today’s matinee features three original three-liners:

A Hemingway Half-Dozen Prose Poem, an Ezraku, and a truly Terrible Tercet.

What subject matter could possibly inspire such fecundity?

Today’s Hemingway Half-Dozen Prose Poem -

Bloom’s goals:

Leisurely strolls,

Goddesses’ bungholes.

Today’s Ezraku -

In a Museum of Kildare Street

The boon of Bloom’s sniffing snoot:

Venus’ white plaster poop chute.

Today’s Terrible Tercet -

Malachi Mulligan’s hilarious and heinous.

He warns Stephen of Bloom’s gayness.

Did Bloom ever locate that statue’s anus?

Stay tuned for more callipygian catastrophes.

Same gluteus time, same maximus channel.

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