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Robert

Roman

Empire

RED BRICK ALLEY STORIES

The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author

Rob.jpg

Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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Robert Roman
Aug 20

My Own Private Ulysses: The Book About Everything



The Book About Everything


How to read the book about everything.

You think you’re smart? Where do you start? Which part?

The plot, setting, or Bloom’s limp ding-a-ling?

Gulp it down whole or graze it a la carte?

Slip on your smarty pants, take the sly road,

Hone those three themes: Homer, Hamlet, and Home,

Or home in on isms’ desert abode,           

And through infinite sand you’ll crawl and comb.

From rocky hard real- to surreal- shimmer

And every ism across the wasteland.

Or skim past those dunes; no need to simmer,

Just chill with line three, before it gets banned.

Try to pass the true intelligence test,

And laugh, laugh with the book of infinite jest. 

 


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Same sit-back time, same chill-out channel.

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