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Robert

Roman

Empire

RED BRICK ALLEY STORIES

The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author

Rob.jpg

Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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Robert Roman
Sep 10

My Own Private Ulysses: What The Buck?



What The Buck?


He’s Buck Mulligan, our book’s big bad guy,

A smiling backstabber who puns amuck.

His barbs mutilate with a sparkling eye.

Even his bunkmates are sure to be stuck.

His brand is mockery, his pricks various,

Sacred cows he butchers with naked glee.

Brash, malicious, and yet hilarious,

He bathes in the sea, and he lives rent-free.

Buck flays religion, faith he pillages,

Plucks sanctimony, shucks prissy sissies.

His laugh lays waste to noble villages.

What the… It sounds like Buck is Ulysses.

So Buck is not our book’s evil duckling.

Who else embodies Joyce’s swashbuckling?

 

 

Subscribe and stay tuned for more skewered sonnets.

Same skewed time, same screwed channel.

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