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Robert

Roman

Empire

RED BRICK ALLEY STORIES

The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author

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Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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My Own Private Ulysses: WTF is an Initialism?

Robert Roman
Dec 4, 2024

K.M.R.I.A.

“He can kiss my royal Irish arse, Myles Crawford cried loudly over his shoulder. Any time he likes, tell him.”

               - Ulysses, James Joyce



WTF is an Initialism?


‘Useless word created to distinguish                   

initials from acronyms,’ UD states.                    

Such simple answers we must extinguish.                     

So, FU Urban Dict., crude reprobates.                  

Both MILF and GILF are proper acronyms.               

DTF’s a prim initialism.                               

This ain’t hard. At best, they’re soft synonyms.      

So, between them, let’s thicken the schism.      

He FUBARed his class, when old Nabokov                

Told, “You may peruse with a skimming eye…”           

Joyce’s Ulysses’ new newsy jerkoff.                    

You fell flaccid AF, Vlad, FYI.                        

When wooing words, don’t ease up and streamline.

Stiffen your pine, go hard past the headline.

 

 

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