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The Killards Are Coming

Every damn day in Religion Class, Sister Anna Banana yapped about the Soviets revving up to start a nuclear war with the new president, Ronald Reagan. She said after the cities burned to Holy Hell, there’d be something called “nuclear winter” that would kill all... 

Double-Strength Demon Dogs

Fantastic Freddie was the only altar boy from the Red Brick Alley. He was always consecrating Ritz Crackers and trying to make us eat them like communion wafers. He light-fingered incense from the sacristy, and he blessed water from Old Lady Tully’s spigot...

Laser Loop

I couldn’t see over the tall green school bus seat except when we hit a pothole and I bounced up in the air like a Pop-Tart jumping out of a toaster. Nobody at Saint Augie’s could believe I was allowed to go. My first school picnic ever. I was good from the day I handed in my pink...

The Boy Wonder

How the Hell did Jaggerbush get himself up there? He was clawing his way up into the open window above the Science class door like a real-life gargoyle. The blockhead of a wooden mallet stuck out of the back of his Toughskins where his butt crack was. He wore three...

About The Author


Robert Roman grew up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he sold newspapers to cars from a concrete island. Read more→

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  • Robert Roman

My Own Private Ulysses: Your Own Personal Joise

Your Own Personal Joise

Yes, you refused me many years ago,

My splinter you removed, so soft you pulled

On old Christmas night below mistletoe.

And now your love’s winter, so hard, so cold.

Yes, you should have kissed me, you silly scamp.

Look at you now, you lurk the haunts of sin.

Should you rewind time, would your life revamp?

Like love’s old sweet song. Oh, what could have been.

Now stop resisting, Mr. Bloom, be bold,

It’s not too late to reach out, to touch me,

I’m not my best friend, I will not cuckold.

Have faith, I’m your own personal Josie.    

I’ll revive your love, I’ll redeem your life.    

I’ll repeat yes, yes, as well as your wife.

Stay tuned for more depeche sonnets.

Same testy time, same bestie channel.

1 Comment

Carey Short
Carey Short
Jun 05

Bro I really enjoy these!

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